All apologies, being bold and comics

so I have a lot to say...
Let me begin first with this notion of "all apologies". Ah yes, lyrics from a wonderful Nirvana song, but today it is kind of my theme and probably has been for awhile. Apologizing. I feel like I don't do it much except for the occassional "sorrys" for small little things, or when someting bad happens to someone and all you can think to say is "sorry" even though you have nothing to be sorry for because you didn't do anything to make it a bad situation. Again I don't find myself in many situations where I feel like I need to apologize for what has happened but today I have found a reason to actually apologize to someone. I've been a bit of a dickhead lately to Bec and so after missing her music night performance because I was out with other friends, and after feeling guilty, then not guilty, mad, sad... everything I whinged about it all for awhile, went to bed and now think I should say something. I think my issue was that I felt like I catch all the flack on this kind of stuff, and that I have been given almost very high standards in the mind of Bec. I love Bec, she is my dear friend and although I have my times where I am annoyed I still find joy in hanging out with her and I also find a wonderfully interesting human being. But i am going to stop being a dickhead and I am going to be a real friend and talk to her about what's on my mind and tell her sorry but that I do not feel guilty for having a fun night still. I hate feeling guilty. I just felt like a jerk.

To give a bit of background...last night was music night here at Aquinas College. We have many many talented musicians that were performing. Anyway, after footy practice (our last before the grand final) I went out with some friends to the unibar and just had a blast hanging out. We of course were bad with time and I didn't go back to Aquinas until a little ways into the second half of the Music Night. I left the pub feeling guilty about Bec's performance but was still able to enjoy myself and just smile while watching others show off their talents. We spent the rest of the night just hanging out and I think overall I talked and maybe yelled a bit too much because now I have a sore throat. UGH! anyway that was the jist of my evening from yesterday. Tonight I was meant to be going to the Footy game but we caught a bit of bad luck and the tickets sold out a few days ago. Our plans now are to watch the footy on tv maybe and just hang out. There is a frisbee party tonight too but I doubt i will go. It's for a player's birthday and I don't know him that well and I really can't have a big night of drinking or anything because of the footy game tomorrow afternoon! I am so excited for this and can not wait for the game. I hope I get to play! I'll be pissed if I don't get to!

On to the topics of being bold and comics. In what i consider my spare time (which has really been time that I just don't want to write my papers) I have been reading Shannon and Shannon's comic online Cheesebandits. I find this so entertaining because the humor in their comics is definitely them! Does that make sense? It's just that I know they are like that and their sense of humor is great on both ends. Reading it also makes me wish I was talented enough to be that witty, artistic and funny. Maybe some day I will be and will start a comic myself... I was thinking this today because of the conversations I have had recently with Davina. We can be pretty funny together sometimes. Lately her and I have talked a lot about religion which always seems to come up in conversation with us. She has been through a lot with religion stuff, mostly in a bad sort of way. People just never seem to understand her and she always seems to get the dickheads that don't make religion sound good because they are too absorbed in telling you that you're a bad person for the things you do. This is just ever so ridiculous! Doing this kind of thing does NOT make people want to become Christian or whatever relgion it might be. Two of my most favorite things that have been said to her were when she was told she had "issues" for having been out drinking one night and along with this one came the statement from the same person that they couldn't see why she would drink and get a bit drunk when she "knew what she was doing was wrong". Ahem...she's 21! she's allowed to drink! oh and the other favorite thing that has been said to her lately was the one about how this guy just couldn't find a datable girl(there are options but...) because " most of u girls just aren't bold enough in where you stand" We got a laugh out of this one. Yes...insult someone, that will get you a girlfriend ;-).

But seriously, I guess I am not the most BOLD person, but really what does one mean by being bold? I have my beliefs, and I stick by them. They may be all around the place; bits and pieces of different sets of beliefs, but I will always be ready to tell you what I think about certain things. Now if bold is to be defined as being one who goes out and preaches their beliefs to people (that's alright, i guess, i mean yeah, let people know what you think) and then tells them that their beliefs are no good enough or that they are believing the wrong thing, than I am sorry, that's crap. Again go for it and preach what you may, we have freedom of speech and maybe along with that comes the freedom to be a dickhead, but really... that's not going to get us very far and it's certainly not going to get you anyone to want to be religious, for example. I guess I'll just find my own idea of what bold is (I'm sorry if this has gotten completely off track and no longer makes sense. really... "All Apologies") Anyone who cares... here's a link to the word bold. enjoy! : http://www.webster.com/cgi-bin/dictionary?book=Dictionary&va=bold Hopefully it works!

alright I should stop with the rambling. I'm only putting off homework that desperatly needs to get done and a sore throat that needs to be taken care of. Much love to all!

-smuder