annoyed is what i do best.

Annoyed is something I do pretty well. I'm quite easily annoyed at times. Not to say that I'm constantly annoyed, I can keep my cool, but it's different things that get to me and do so quite easily. For instance the drivers that like to drive 20-25mph on a road that is 30 or 35mph! wtf?! I could get annoyed and angry at them forever. Along with the people who consistently walk across the middle of the road when it is busy and I almost hit them! One of these days I'm going to actually hit them and it's going to be the pedestrian's fault. I'm all about having my rights as a pedestrian or a biker but dammit if you're going to be one, you should at least follow the pedestrian laws.

But what is getting to me most these days is the fear of what someone else thinks of me. Usually this wouldn't bother me because really I could care less what some random stranger or acquaintance thinks of me. Yet, this has to deal with someone who is a friend and then I guess, became a bit more than a friend. A hook-up really. I have this nasty feeling that he thinks I am the clingy-weird girl. But I'm NOT! And I can't find a way to show or tell him that. Is it bad to be sitting around at times thinking that he's probably disgusted or annoyed with me? Or that I don't say too much to him anymore because I'm afraid he's going to take it the wrong way. Like anything more than "hi how's it going" is going to set off something stupid in his brain to think that I'm wanting more. And what's even harder is that he is someone I see most days, and lives near. Before this whole hook-up thing happen, we were friends who could hang out and have a good time, so I assume we can still do that same. Hence me asking him to hang out or text "what's up?" because I'm bored. They are a co-worker and live near and so like I am with most other co-workers and those who live in Minneapolis I try to hang out with them because they are near and convenient and I see the most of them. Most of my other friends don't live around here! so it's easy access for one thing... ugh. Anyway. It bothers me. Frustrates me. TO know that they probably do not understand me and that I'm losing a friend in a sense because he probably thinks I'm that kind of girl who clings and falls fast and wants a relationship. Shit, don't flatter yourself that much. Yes I like you and we are friends, that's why i want to hang out but you're not the end all of boys in my life. I'm annoyed because I don't appreciate someone, who I consider a friend, to not learn a little more about me and know that I wish we could just hang out again without him thinking stupid shit.

And, maybe I'm wrong. Maybe I don't know enough about what's going on in their head. I guess we just won't figure this out, and this annoyance will pass. It always does, but to think that someone you respect thinks of you in a manner that is not truly who you are. That's a little hurtful and frustrating. And so how do I go about this? Just forget it completely or do I say something? I get the urge to once in awhile because I'm annoyed, but then I think that he'll just find me scary if i ask "can we talk?" and then I just want to go off and tell him to not flatter himself so much as to think I'm stalking him. This is way too much thinking, but getting it out probably helps a lot.

I'm annoyed. It's what I do best sometimes. But I'll get over it. I always do