nothing fits

luckily this doesn't have to do with clothes or bras which I went shopping for, although bras tend to not fit me correctly, but I did good and got measured and took my time. It was exhausting!

But like I said this post really has nothing to do with clothes and bras.

What it does have to do with is what I was thinking about this afternoon after my shopping trip. I began to realize that I really wasn't part of any 'group'. I don't fit into any real category. not that this is a bad thing, but it's a little uplifting and yet also a little depressing. I've done lots of things. Played sports, played in band, worked with plays and did community service stuff. But honestly I never was really any of what comes with those. I'm no athlete. I'm not very musical: singing or playing an instrument, although I do love music. I'm not an actor. i'm actually quite terrible at it probably because I'm quite shy sometimes. But then again i wasn't so shy that I was a loner. I have some very outgoing friends. I'm not very artsy, although I love art and took classes in high school which I miss. Sometimes I wish I could fit in there. I love that my sister did photography in college. And I like to think I'm artsy when I watch films and visit the art museum, but I don't really fit that crowd either. I liked the punk thing in high school but I never got serious about it. I didn't have or care to spend the money on studded belts, piercings, and tattoos. I guess I had the church back in high school, but I wasn't overly into that either. I loved it, but I definitely will probably never devote my whole life to the church. Oh and I wasn't one of those smart kids either. I didn't have academics helping me out.

I guess I've always wondered why I didn't have a specific group or following to follow. But then again when I think about it now i shouldn't really worry too much. I quite like the way I turned out and that I like many things although it's a little depressing that I'm not much good at most things I do. I'm quite 'average' I suppose. But then again..what does 'average' mean? I guess I have come to the conclusion that being labeled as a certain person or as part of a certain group is quite a good thing. But I feel as though when I try to participate in the many different things that I'm not much good at that I will be rejected because i am not overly artsy, athletic, punk, preppy, popular, etc., etc.... And THAT I can't stand. I should be allowed to do and like a large variety of activities and lifestyles and not have to feel as though I am being judged. I guess I never felt judged at college really. i joined ultimate and people there just really don't seem to care. And although I love ultimate and played a lot, I'm not the best at it. But i do like to think it's one of the things I might actually be 'good' at. I hope that I'm good at doing my job too!

Maybe I'm over thinking this, but it just popped into my head today. And I must say that I actually feel quite comfortable with not being part of just one group. Or at least being labeled as one certain thing. Although I'm getting labeled more and more as being a psych geek it seems. People do like to ask if I'm analyzing them...

I don't know if I'll every really know who I am. I'm sure I will still catch myself in the mirror, stare at my face and wonder who the heck I am and how I got here.